Monday, 31 October 2011

Dear Black Men (A Letter From A Black Woman)

I am writing this to explain to you why black women have become frustrated. I am writing this to tell you that you need to “shuckle up”, get your act together and, not for us, but for your own damn selves. Understand (for we have shown you) that we may feel that we don’t NEED you but we STILL WANT you. Let that be enough for you to look in the mirror and deal with your issues.

I want to first apologize for emasculating you over the past few decades or so. Please know that it was out of frustration and a lack of maturity in terms of coping on our part. Absentee fathers and a lack of male role models for our sons are heart-breaking. It has left GENERATIONS with daddy issues and no solutions to those issues. It is so much so now that our young men and women are making claims to success saying they did it “despite” their fathers being gone rather than “because” their fathers were around. I know this is not the case for all but it is the case for too many. A lack of great options for partners among our own is disappointing, to say the least. Checking out the other side should be because we want to, not because we feel we have to. We (women) have tried our best to deal and we think we have done a great job given what we had to work with but we can do so much more if we worked as a team, as a community. There is far much more left to do.

I want to secondly ask you to look at the part you have played in perpetuating the cycle by not showing up. Where are you, black men? Your women and children need you. Yes, I said it- we need you. I’m sure it has been great to frolic with the other sides who appreciate you for your inherent black assets and this is by no means a call to segregate but in your preoccupation with being objectified glorified for simply being born with a high dose of melanin or with being presumed to be well-endowed, you have proceeded to neglect those born of you- you have proceeded to segregate yourself from your family. Is it any wonder why you have a hard time feeling welcome at home?

I want to thirdly plead that you stop disrespecting your own and I am speaking specifically to your attitude toward black women. If our own brothers, fathers and lovers do not love and respect us, how can we do that for ourselves? Don’t get me wrong, some of us have figured it out but it has, by no means, been an easy task. Anyone who says it was is not appreciative of the wide scale pathology of the black woman. It would be much too cliché and unnecessary to get into the images displayed so flagrantly in the media of black women. We all see it; we all know what it is. You (black men), of all people, know what it is like to try and lift yourself up in a world where everyone else is set on tearing you down. Please stop. You are hurting yourself as well as us when you treat us in such derogatory ways. We cannot love you like how you profess to need to be loved if we do not love ourselves. You are us. The only separation is genitalia. You cannot get anywhere when you are stepping on your own toes.

Lastly, I want to say that this is not a cry to be rescued. But to be honest, black men AND black women need some saving. This is asking for a partnership. This is asking for understanding, compassion, humility, love and respect amongst our people. If you do your part, I can promise that we will do ours. Take back your crown… we can don ours alongside you.

To all my black kings who were raised by and set out to raise black queens and kings, I salute you
To all my black kings who show their queen their love every possible moment, I salute you
To all my black princes working hard to be a black king, you are halfway there. Continue
To all my black men who have not yet come into their own and are denying themselves of their own royalty, I await the day you take your rightful, majestic place


  1. This is very good. Gave me that heavy headed feeling. I love being Black.

  2. "Where are you, black men? Your women and children need you."

    I don't discourage a discourse on the role of black men as faithful fathers and husbands. I hope that you, however, are not limiting yourself, or entrusting yourself, to the role of the virtuous woman (Proverbs 31) for strictly black men.

    Blake (White Man)

  3. And yes, Barbados was my favourite Caribbean destination when I did a 3-week tour of all the islands back in 2010. Very beautiful and so much character of its own, compared to the other islands.

  4. And that says a lot, having been previously married to a girl from Clarendon.

  5. Very well said! Virtuous black woman strictly for a strong black man; if for nothing else, out of a need to build back my village of kings, warriors and healers. Art of love...

  6. The spirit of the post was to call for unity between black people in uplifting themselves- a key part of which is ensuring that they begin seeing and treating each other as worthy partners in relationships. I did mention that it is my hope that they black women have relationships with men of other races because they want to and not because they feel they have poor choices in partners from their own race.
    I love that comment about building back our village :)