Monday, 19 December 2011

Sunset in Barbados

I just finished my first semester at UWI, Cave Hill, Barbados. It was quite the challenge but turned out much better than I expected. It taught me a lot about myself, Barbados and people overall and it gave me a new appreciation for the region and especially my country- Jamaica. So while the sun sets temporarily on my first time to Barbados, this is a summary of what I have taken away with me.

I learned that there is something to being open to new things, people and adventures. I now have new friends that I never would have met otherwise. I saw some beautiful beaches (Beaches in Barbados are all open to the public and they are GORGEOUS and clean. Pictures are further down in the post). I tried new food- UWI, Cave Hill has a “week culture” where every island gets a week that they showcase the things about their island which makes it special and I didn’t try as much as I wanted but I did try some. I must say that the island that comes the closest to home in terms of preparation of food is Belize. Bajans have a specialty called macaroni pie which is essentially baked macaroni and cheese but they add ketchup. The thought is quite off-putting to my palette but the secret is to get a Bajan to home-cook it for you. My neighbours, who have become family, made some for me and my housemate, Nico and it was DELICIOUS! Oh, I need the recipe!

I learned that there is a very ugly side to competition- whether in law school, a reality show, the work world or just life in general. It has taught me to be very careful of people and to be very mindful of my things. There are people out there that do not care for you to succeed even if it has no effect on their own success. Or maybe it does and I just think differently. There are people who are quite content to try and rob you of your blessings or the results of YOUR hard work.  Also, no matter how genuine of a person you are, selfish and manipulative people are bound to find themselves in your life. It is for you to identify them and act accordingly.

My word of advice: 1) Always remember, “what is fi yuh cannot be un-fi yuh” so if you are to be endowed with something, you will be and no one can take that away. Just have faith.
2) Never let ANYONE make you feel that you should not stand up for yourself and defend your own property. They will do their best to make you out to be a villain but when you are in the right and the truth is on your side, you will be protected. “Men who act in earnest need not worry about consequences”- Marcus Garvey

Oral Sex in the Caribbean: Todos anyone?

We all know how taboo oral sex is in some parts of the Caribbean. We also know how much the act is being performed behind closed doors despite the taboo. It’s the rampant performance of this act that I assume has led to its decline in taboo-sity. Yea, I made up a word. And what?

Being a Jamaican I am well aware of how imperative it is to “bun a bowcat” (a bowcat is someone who performs cunnilingus) and not drink from the glass of one who has performed oral sex or who has kissed someone who has performed this act (the latter is often referred to as a “lickiback”). It does get confusing, however, when more and more men greet you by offering you oral sex. Forget names and numbers, they simply strike up conversation for the first time ever by proposing to kiss you on the second set of lips. Oh, my! What is happening? Then there is the change in tide of conversations where men are more proud to declare that they do engage in the act in day-to-day verbal exchange. Is it that we are evolving as a nation or is it that we are becoming more perverse? I guess it depends on who you ask.

One of the most common things people would tell me about Barbadians was that the men there quite openly dabble in the oral arts, to put it gently. I’ve heard that they will “nyam off mi foot” which was quite disturbing but I assume it was to emphasize how much they enjoy giving oral sex. I also heard that a woman has not had oral sex until she has had it from a Bajan man. I guess all the openness gives more opportunities for practice and practice makes perfect.

Skip to a party thrown by Belizeans while I was in Barbados and a conversation about the topic of oral sex. There was a group made up of mostly Jamaican women and Belizean men. We brought up how Jamaican society is as it relates to oral sex- the whole “behind closed doors” culture and how it’s fast changing, we spoke about what we have heard of Bajan men. The men had been gearing joking insults at each other by implying which one gave oral sex and the usual back and forth that men never seem to fall short of finding fascinating. And then came the question “How are Belizean men when it comes to oral sex?”. The answer: Todos.

We all looked at each other wondering if we heard wrong. There was clearly an inside joke among the men and all us women stood on the outside staring awkwardly at each other. Eventually, someone cleared it up. We all know that when it comes to sex, there were different levels- vaginal, oral etc… Belizeans apparently are not partial. Todos = everything. That is to say that they take the art of pleasing their women seriously and they will do any and everything. Then I heard that the more facial hair a male has around his mouth, the more he dabbles in oral sex. Excuse me, what?! THIS slayed me. We all started looking at the men with the goatees and the full beards and it went from snickers to vulgar outbursts of laughter. That conversation was quite edifying and I hope to never forget, especially if I happen to be in Belize. I can’t imagine how many laughs I’d be in store for when I see a man sporting the scruffy look. All I can say is that I must assume that Belizean women are some of the most content in the region.

P.S. All questions pertaining to women performing oral sex were deflected. One thing at a time, people! J. Until next time….

Wednesday, 14 December 2011

The Science of “Doing Road”

Disclaimer: This convo will be hard to understand if one is not familiar with Jamaican patois and especially Mavado's song "Do Road" . The post picks up in the middle of a group chat on BBM.

N: Dem nuh know u nuh dealid nutn str8, dawdie?

J: Dem clearly nuh know... Pawdie

T: Uwi a fish. BURNS my SOUL for dem

J: Suh inna real life mi fi call ppl "pawdie/dawdie" & doh feel ridiculous?

T: Yes, u!

T: And hotskull

N: I call______ such. He usually threatens to never carry me on the "endz" as a result but he seems unable to grasp that whether on his endz or not, it's is pertinent that I "do road"

J: =)) =D

T: Lmao!

J: As stated in the portable pawdie booklet

T: Do road!

T: Please ensure that the young man understand the terms and conditions lest he gets "dash ovabode"

J: When 1 "does road" is the cutting like a "samari swoad" a simultaneous activity or a reaction of having done road?

N: The booklet is also available for download to BB or iPhone versions 4s or higher. There is also an app where one can proceed to "cut like a samurye sode"

T: The "samurai swoad" action is dependent on the context of the doing of said road

N: In section 4 (a) (ii), it clearly states that for one to be cutting like a samurai sword in the same time n space as one is doing road, one must have previously or have strict intentions to dash a bwoy overboard

T: I concur. Also the dashing of a bwoy overboard must also tie in with the "come back wid mi ting load" element

T: Once one has "loaded" said thing then and only then may they proceed to the dashing

T: A tad complex really

N: Truly. But one must learn the proper methods lest one does road inappropriately and makes a fool of one's self and end up banished to a life of cake soap and colouring books. *shudders*

J: No seriously, maw bawl.

T: But why? We are trying to "set di code" so we can clearly understand the concept of doing the road

T: Hear, hear Miss N. Only a "tuggie lawd" can readily know the difference

N: Let it be noted that it is essential that one's dogs lack food as well. Doing road with dogs who have food is quite tacky. Takes away from the intention and purpose of the "Do Road" Act 2011

T: That's an excellent point of information! Also, someone need to get your head confused as well

T: It is imperative that all factors of doing road are present of said action will fail

N: Ahhh, yes. Doing road may sound simple to the layman but a real mcCoy knows the intricacies.

N: A toast to the gully god himself, Mavado, for enlightening us

T: *applause*

Look, Ma! I’m on TV. My journey Through Island Queen (Part 1)

So I kinda sorta entered a bathing suit competition turned reality show. I kinda sorta ended up being very glad I did. Suffice it to say that I am now a star and will proceed to display the most grotesque of star attitudes. J Ok, so maybe I’m not a star but the stuff that came before it is true. I must warn you, these posts will not be filled with the Miss World pageant kind of spiel. I am nothing else, if not real. 

I entered this competition called Island Queen. Mostly by happenstance.  I saw the flyers on campus but the words “Reality television show” glared at me and I didn’t like the idea. Still, I’d found myself more open to getting new adventures since being in Barbados so I thought this would be great to experience and document via my blog. Skip to some other events when it was made clear to me that, for reasons unknown, people did not want me to enter and so my interests piqued.  Some made it clear (though I’m sure they thought they were being subtle) that they didn’t think I had what it took and some made it clear that they just weren’t in support. I tend to, at moments I can’t predict, do things just because others don’t think I should or because they don’t think I can. I can be quite stubborn and rebellious- sue me.

So when the feeling struck me to go for it- I’d heard that the concept of the show has changed, new sponsors were on board and there was more of a focus on the advocacy theme- I sought to get information. It was on the flyers but I didn’t take notice until the final day of the deadline so I was a bit worried. Many thanks to my housemate, Nicolette Wright, for her help and support from the get-go- she was vital in me getting information and getting in touch with the people in charge. So I send in my application and was told I’d have an interview the next day. I expected as much.

I did some research on past seasons and began getting intimidated because the girls of the previous cycles were GLAMAZONS. My petite figure would already have a challenge in a “regular” pageant-esque situation, I can’t imagine that they’d select me against girls of this stature. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have confidence issues with my body. I love my small frame. I am, however, very aware of how I am viewed in certain fields and in the world of modeling or anything similar, short girls are not first choice. I’ve never had model dreams so this has never affected me. And now I find myself in this scenario. *sigh* I became unsure but I still went through with it because it’s worth a shot. I figure if I get through, it’s because I’m supposed to and if I don’t, it’s because I’m not.

So I do my interview and it seemed like my personality was charming enough- I am pretty cool! Haha! *deflates head* In all seriousness, I felt good about the interview. In the days that followed, I started reflecting more on more on how I’ve heard the show was in the past and I started feeling discouraged about entering. When the motivation of being stubborn runs out, you better hope some other type kicks in because you’ll find yourself in an unhappy situation. A couple days after, I get told I wasn’t selected. Womp, womp. Actually, I felt an odd sense of relief. Blame that on me talking myself out of it. I told my housemate that “It’s a sign”- something I say A LOT- because if I was to do it, I would have been selected. Hey, at least I tried. Skip to some days after that, I’m told that I actually was selected and I was told I wasn’t due to miscommunication. *raises eyebrow* OhhhhhKAY! Aite, so now I’m stuck. I had put that out of my mind. It was clear that I was expected to just go with this news as if the miscommunication never happened. I had a couple seconds’ pause and then that voice in my head said “It’s a sign, remember?” So I was now a contestant for Island Queen 2012

A few weeks later, I met the rest of the girls. Most were Bajans and three(including myself were Jamaican). The first one whose name I remembered was Deanne because she was quite chirpy and asked my name as soon as I sat down. She reminded me of myself. SHe was petite too. Goo, small girls! Then I remembered Nisha because she has gorgeous eyes and then I remembered Daisy because her name is a flower.  I later met some more of the staff/people in charge and then came the final step- signing away my life (LOL). So it was done. I was officially in the competition. No going back now. I had a feeling I was in store for a LOT. Stay tuned for more….

You can follow me on Twitter: @Nasylum

You can follow Island Queen on Twitter: @IslandQueenBim

The Plight Of The (University) Student (During Exams)

Disclaimer: This post was written in the midst of my first set of exams at Cave Hill (Barbados) in my second year of law. Let me set the scene:- I am a law student reading for my Bachelor of Laws at UWI. I am in the Cave Hill programme which means I am away from home. Law exams are 100% finals and you have 2 hours to do 3 essays. That’s right. Your fate is decided within two hours and you have to write as if you are already a legal scholar because that is the caliber of person that will be marking your paper. No pressure, right? Now on to the post.

You’ve found yourself staring into space and you’re pretty sure your mind should be filled with some edifying thought and yet….it’s not. You snap back to reality and realize this has been happening more and more lately. Could you be developing early onset dementia? Is there even such a thing? What are all these papers doing---? Oh, that’s right, you are not experiencing memory loss due to some physiological malfunction- you are, in fact, in exam mode. You get up to look in the mirror and you see the physical manifestation of the mental and emotional stress that your body has been under, most of which you cannot legitimately be expected to control. I mean, who goes through exams looking normal and, dare I say, attractive? Show them to me; I’d like to have a word with them in a dark room.

 Now, as you go through life, you begin to realize that tests are a significant portion of it. If you have academic dreams, you realize that these tests are standardized and that THEY WILL NEVER END. One would think that eventually, you get used to them and will thereby be able to coast after a while, no? One could not be more wrong. Exams are weapons of mass destruction used to weed out the weak and break the strong. I care not how they package them, exams are evil.

You give yourself pep talks or you get them from your support group (family, friends etc). You make study timetables and try to manage your time wisely. You tell yourself “You can do this!” so many times, yourself starts replying “Shut Up!” You begin to realize… are talking to yourself way too much for it to still be considered healthy. You look around for solace in your colleagues and classmates and it hits you- we are all in this together but we are all alone. Melodramatic, huh? Well, if you have not experienced melodramatic moments during exam time, I’d like to see you in a dark room as well. This post is to let you know that your plight does not go unnoticed and it may or may not pay off (no sugar-coating) but, just so you spend less time beating up on yourself for things you cannot control, here are some givens about exams periods which you should just accept and adjust to