Oral Sex in the Caribbean: Todos anyone?

We all know how taboo oral sex is in some parts of the Caribbean. We also know how much the act is being performed behind closed doors despite the taboo. It’s the rampant performance of this act that I assume has led to its decline in taboo-sity. Yea, I made up a word. And what?

Being a Jamaican I am well aware of how imperative it is to “bun a bowcat” (a bowcat is someone who performs cunnilingus) and not drink from the glass of one who has performed oral sex or who has kissed someone who has performed this act (the latter is often referred to as a “lickiback”). It does get confusing, however, when more and more men greet you by offering you oral sex. Forget names and numbers, they simply strike up conversation for the first time ever by proposing to kiss you on the second set of lips. Oh, my! What is happening? Then there is the change in tide of conversations where men are more proud to declare that they do engage in the act in day-to-day verbal exchange. Is it that we are evolving as a nation or is it that we are becoming more perverse? I guess it depends on who you ask.

One of the most common things people would tell me about Barbadians was that the men there quite openly dabble in the oral arts, to put it gently. I’ve heard that they will “nyam off mi foot” which was quite disturbing but I assume it was to emphasize how much they enjoy giving oral sex. I also heard that a woman has not had oral sex until she has had it from a Bajan man. I guess all the openness gives more opportunities for practice and practice makes perfect.

Skip to a party thrown by Belizeans while I was in Barbados and a conversation about the topic of oral sex. There was a group made up of mostly Jamaican women and Belizean men. We brought up how Jamaican society is as it relates to oral sex- the whole “behind closed doors” culture and how it’s fast changing, we spoke about what we have heard of Bajan men. The men had been gearing joking insults at each other by implying which one gave oral sex and the usual back and forth that men never seem to fall short of finding fascinating. And then came the question “How are Belizean men when it comes to oral sex?”. The answer: Todos.

We all looked at each other wondering if we heard wrong. There was clearly an inside joke among the men and all us women stood on the outside staring awkwardly at each other. Eventually, someone cleared it up. We all know that when it comes to sex, there were different levels- vaginal, oral etc… Belizeans apparently are not partial. Todos = everything. That is to say that they take the art of pleasing their women seriously and they will do any and everything. Then I heard that the more facial hair a male has around his mouth, the more he dabbles in oral sex. Excuse me, what?! THIS slayed me. We all started looking at the men with the goatees and the full beards and it went from snickers to vulgar outbursts of laughter. That conversation was quite edifying and I hope to never forget, especially if I happen to be in Belize. I can’t imagine how many laughs I’d be in store for when I see a man sporting the scruffy look. All I can say is that I must assume that Belizean women are some of the most content in the region.

P.S. All questions pertaining to women performing oral sex were deflected. One thing at a time, people! J. Until next time….